A toxic relationship is one of the most challenging situations to break free of. It could be a romantic or family relationship or friendship. Research shows that 84% of women and 75% of men report having a toxic friend at some point. So, escaping from an unhealthy association is one of the most freeing things.
However, just because you’re free doesn’t mean life would instantly return to normal. You may find yourself missing the person you were in a toxic relationship with, and try reaching out to them. Unfortunately, the experience could also scar and deter you from building healthy connections with other people.
The effect of an unhealthy relationship affects one’s mental health and sticks to their psyche for a long time. So, how do you recover from a toxic relationship? This article shares tips and steps on moving on and building healthy relationships.
Healthy Relationship vs. Toxic Relationship
A healthy relationship is one where everything works. Yes, there will be arguments and a few bumps on the road. But the parties involved work things out without involving a third party. If it’s a romantic relationship, they make decisions together and openly discuss problems while genuinely enjoying each other’s company.
On the other hand, nothing works in toxic relationships. Here, you may feel constantly drained or unhappy. The relationship may no longer feel enjoyable even if you love your partner. Instead of looking forward to seeing them, you dread the thought. All these show that things need to change.
What Are the Signs of a Toxic Relationship?
The nature of the relationship determines the signs of toxicity. It could be subtle or obvious. Usually, people in relationships fail to see the red flags. However, these are the signs to watch for:
- Lack of support
- Toxic communication
- Envy or jealousy
- Controlling behavior
- Resentment
- Dishonesty
- Patterns of disrespect
- Negative financial behaviors
- Constant stress
- Ignoring your needs
- Lost relationships
- Lack of self-care
- Hoping for change
- Walking on eggshells
Tips and Steps on Recovering From a Toxic Relationship
Most toxic relationships do not start as one, so it can be hard to let go. Everyone’s recovery journey is different, but these tips and steps will help you heal and move on.
Understand Your Emotions
Deciding to leave an unhealthy relationship is tough. It brings out painful and confusing feelings despite the sense of freedom you feel. So, you need to understand your emotions.
Allow yourself to feel every emotion; be it anger, sadness, or happiness. Don’t try to stifle them, as it extends the healing process. Feeling the pain doesn’t make you weak. Instead, it helps you process your emotions and allows you to find the strength to let go.
Don’t Try “Checking In”
Suppose you were with your partner for years. It means a lot of memories, with the good mixed with the bad. Sometimes, you may focus too much on the happier times and get tempted to call the person to “check-in.”
This is a terrible idea, and you shouldn’t do it. Part of the recovery journey is staying out of touch. Consider blocking your partner on different social media platforms and your phone’s contact list. This way, when you get tempted, you can’t reach them, and they can’t contact you too. Leaving the communication line open may draw you back into the toxic tango, so stay away.
Don’t Expect Closure
Perhaps you’d want to stay in touch with your partner because you hope they’ll realize how they wronged you and apologize. But this might be a wait in futility. So, it’s best not to expect closure.
Waiting for a sincere apology can be exhausting, and it may keep you from recovering. Therefore, focus on the things you need to heal. Start with healing your mind and accepting that your ex will never comprehend how deeply they hurt you.
Surround Yourself With Positive People
Staying alone may lead to depressing thoughts, so surround yourself with positive people. These could be your family or friends, and they’ll act as your support system. People who spend 6-7 hours socializing with loved ones feel more happy than stressed or anxious.
Spending time with people in a healthy relationship shows you how to be treated right, and that trust can be beneficial. Thus, try reconnecting with lost relationships and making new friends. You can reach out to these people when you are lonely or need a listening ear.
Talk About What You’ve Been Through
Talking about hurtful and traumatic events makes it less painful. Toxic relationships are isolating, making it hard to relate to other people. If you can’t share your story with others, keep a journal. Writing is cathartic, especially after a traumatic event. Once you’re ready to share, talk to a close friend, family member, or therapist.
Re-Discover Your True Self
Toxic relationships often make people forget who they are. They forget what they liked, what made them happy, their goals and dreams. In other words, you become a shadow of who you used to be and live only in the reflection of the toxic partner.
When you leave an unhealthy relationship, prioritize your happiness and rediscover yourself. For example, do the things you love and visit the places you used to. If you had a career you left to please your partner, try getting back to it. The rest of your life lies ahead, and you can decide what to do with it.
Practice Self-Care
In most unhealthy relationships, people prioritize their partner’s needs above theirs. This is why it takes a heavy toll on their emotional and physical well-being. Usually, they stop taking care of themselves and find it hard to handle their needs after the breakup.
The best way to combat this is to practice self-care. Do the little things that make you happy. It could be reading a book, taking a hot bath, shopping for something you like, cooking your favorite meal, or binge-watching a show.
Practice Self-Kindness
After leaving a toxic relationship, especially one you spent years in, you may play the blame game. But instead of criticizing yourself for not seeing the signs when everyone else did, treat yourself with kindness. The fact is love makes people blind to their loved one’s flaws. So be gentle and learn to forgive the person you were, the one who made the mistakes.
Focus on Your Personal Resilience
Most people who leave an unhealthy relationship see themselves as victims, affecting their self-perception. Do the opposite because you are a survivor; focus on your resilience.
The toxic relationship should not define the rest of your life. It can only have as much power as you give it. Hence, even if it’s hard, see yourself as a fighter, and hold onto that image.
Don’t Reprimand Yourself
In an unhealthy relationship, the dominant party always makes the other person feel like getting treated in a cruel way is their fault. With time, the weaker party starts believing that story. But, it’s never anyone’s fault that another person chooses to abuse them mentally and physically.
Many toxic relationships start healthy, so there’s no way to know what lies ahead. As such, it’s not your fault your partner became a hurtful person. Accept this, and never blame yourself.
Take Note of What You Experienced
Being in a toxic relationship can become a pattern if you’re not careful. For some, familiar pain is a source of comfort, so it is not surprising that those people find themselves in a constant cycle of hurt. Don’t let this be your story.
After leaving an unhealthy relationship, take note of what you can no longer tolerate. Then, define what you want moving forward and create boundaries. If there’s a trauma bond in all your past relationships, examine the triggers, and seek professional help.
Start Therapy or Join a Support Group
Therapy is a safe place to talk about the things you experienced, the impact it had, and the life you want now. Your therapist will listen to your story and make recommendations when needed. Therapists offer zero judgment and only share professional and not personal opinions.
If you can’t afford a therapist, join a support group. Gone are when support groups were for alcoholics or drug addicts only. Now, there’s one for almost every negative experience that affects physical and mental wellbeing. The people you’ll meet here have similar experiences and share what they went through and how they overcame it.
Be Patient With Yourself
Recovery is a process and doesn’t happen overnight. The time it takes to move on differs from one person to the next. Also, some days will be more complicated than others, but don’t give in to the sadness.
Give yourself time to heal by being patient. Finally, focus on the present; don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. Instead, ask yourself if you’re happy with the moment and what you can do to improve. Above all, listen to what your body and mind want.
Conclusion
A toxic relationship can be hard to get over, but you can reclaim your life and thrive. Remember that everyone’s journey is different and focus solely on yours. There are useful resources here if you need help overcoming an unhealthy relationship.
